When I was venturing into the online dating world, I found this Ted talk by Amy Webb really entertaining and helpful in preparing my online profile. In the second half of the video she describes her unconventional way to find out what kinds of profiles attracted the kind of men she was interested in dating, and how she adjusted her profile in order to be more approachable and get her foot in the door with some of these men.
- using an average of 100 words to describe yourself (most women write too much and most men write too little)
- using optimistic language like “fun-loving” and “people person” (you can still say this if you’re an introvert–we also like people and like to have fun even if it’s not always the same kind of fun other people like)
- avoiding too much specificity (you don’t need someone who loves your favorite movie or eats the same type of popcorn that you do)
- waiting an average of 24 hours before replying to messages, and replying at a “normal waking hour” (which reflects a more regular dating rhythm)
- posting recent photos of yourself that highlight your best features (I thought of it as making the same effort on your appearance you’d make if you were going out on a blind date–these photos are your first impression)
Now, Amy wasn’t pretending she was someone she wasn’t. She knew she could be just as competitive with other women in person, but her first profile just wasn’t getting her any dates to be able to prove how great she was. Her second one (which was just as much her as the first one was) did.
I used a lot of her research in order to form my own profile. And in the end, the most thoughtful conversation I had online began with the guy referencing what I’d written about myself in my profile. And not to say that this happens to everyone who follows Amy’s advice, but in the end (eventually, after many, many more thoughtful conversations), I ended up marrying that man.
Watch the video. You’ll probably cringe a few times, but I think in a good way. A “knowing” way. You don’t have to go as far as Amy did, but you can pick up a nugget or two that will help draw the kind of traffic to your online dating profile that you are looking for.
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