I love to travel to distant lands, but I’m much more fond of being in those distant lands than the travel it takes to get there. I hate flying, but since it’s the fastest way to get to other continents, I try to make the most of the positives and vanquish the negatives as much as I can. It takes a little preparation in order to do so.
I was talking with a girlfriend a few months back about her and my tendency to give so much to others that we forget to take care of ourselves. It is a self-neglect that many (though certainly not all) women are plagued with. While we’re busy taking care of everyone else, some of us ask very little in return (some people, like our pre-adult children, would be inappropriate to ask), and it can lead to a lot of burn-out, frustration, and bitterness. Especially if we’ve not learned to a) express our needs in a mature healthy way, and b) take care of our needs ourselves instead of wait for what may never come from the people we love.
We all need rest from the hard work we do every day. We need to catch our breath every once in a while–a chance to drop our guard, to not be needed, and to allow ourselves to be human and receive what we need. Even for just a few moments of the day.
Nine years ago I was challenged to take more than a few minutes. For the sake of my sanity and my ministry, I set aside a whole day each week, hoping to find rest and the strength to jump back into another week with renewed energy. Many faith-filled people refer to this day as Sabbath.
Most weeks I failed. Not because I didn’t take the day, but because many of the activities I thought would recharge me, didn’t. Some actually sapped energy away and made me feel less rested than when the “day of rest” had begun. But over the years of trial and error, little by little I discovered activities that replenished my energy, that brought glimpses of emotional healing to my heart, that allowed me to slow down, that made me feel like a human again after a whole week of working like a machine.
When I was venturing into the online dating world, I found this Ted talk by Amy Webb really entertaining and helpful in preparing my online profile. In the second half of the video she describes her unconventional way to find out what kinds of profiles attracted the kind of men she was interested in dating, and how she adjusted her profile in order to be more approachable and get her foot in the door with some of these men.
I met my husband on Match.com. It feels so weird to admit that, even though the stigma about online dating has decreased over the years. It doesn’t help that Match doesn’t have the shiniest of reputations when you put it up against eHarmony’s long and trusted compatibility process. But hey, eHarmony was more expensive, it took a lot longer before they let you communicate with potential dates, and my original goal was not yet to fall in love but to go on as many dates as I could to practice dating before upgrading to finding true love on eHarmony. I never actually got that far, though. I ironically found my Love on the website with a hook-up reputation.
Here are some tips and tricks I’ve used to help me get in the habit of being introverted in the company of others without losing the ability to be friendly:
1. Learn to smile warmly (and not creepily) without showing your teeth, or just show a glimpse of them. Exaggerated facial expressions like full toothy smiles tend to tire introverts out faster.
2. Smile warmly (and hug if it’s that kind of relationship) when greeting someone, but don’t exaggerate your volume, pitch, or speed of talking.
