I love efficiency. I love getting things checked off my to-do list, and the more things I check off (and the more quickly I do that), the more accomplished I feel. And subsequently, the more happy.
So when I got married and acquired twice as many to-do’s and a to-do partner who doesn’t value efficiency as much as I do, I became twice as inefficient. And I got a little depressed. I mean, who was I if I wasn’t being super-productive??
My husband loves to spend time with me, and he wants me to come with him on all his errands. He also is the primary cook in our household, and he likes to have the freshest ingredients, so that means he goes to the grocery store at least every other day. And yes, he wants me along every single time. But the more often I go with him to the grocery store (or any other errand he needs to run at the moment), the fewer other items I can accomplish at home on my to-do list.
In the beginning, this drove me insane. But I began to realize that I had made my to-do list more important than my relationships. I’m learning to balance it a bit more being married to someone whose relationships are more important than to-do’s. We’re still working out a negotiation strategy that validates both—it’s not like we can throw out our to-do list altogether. But I’m learning what I can prioritize and what I can let go of, and he’s learning to bless me to stay home and get shit done when I really want to.
Compromise doesn’t mean everybody’s happy 100% of the time, but it does mean we grow into more loving and sacrificial people to those that matter the most to us.
photo by abdullah on pexels