Reflecting alone

Sensitive and Single

I belonged to a group of single working women at my church a few years back. We met occasionally to discuss the blessings and challenges of being single, pray for the desires of our hearts (which included much more than catching a man!), and form friendships with other young women who were in a similar stage of life. Our meetings were something we all looked forward to very much.

Each time we gathered, our leader (a kind woman our mothers’ age who was living a different type of singleness having been both married and divorced) gave us a handful of thoughtful questions to discuss. One particular gathering she posed the question, “What do you wish others who are not in your situation could understand about you?”

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Chess game

Mind Reader

I have always fancied myself pretty good at reading other people’s minds. It comes from my tendency to over-analyze small details: the micro-actions or inactions of someone I’m familiar with. It’s a self-preservation tool to try to be prepared to respond in any situation. I’m always thinking about what other people are thinking about.

And I’ve been told (by someone I love and trust) that I’m not as good at it as I fancy I am.

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Kid hiding

No “Buts”

When I was a substitute preschool teacher I gained a few nuggets of wisdom for dealing with 3-5 year olds effectively. Things like “use your words” and “we don’t share our germs with our friends.” I learned pretty quickly that children are very sensitive to how you say things. I told a kid once to get down from somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be, and in the middle of his excuses for why he had to be up there I said in frustration, “I don’t care, Ben, you need to…” and quickly regretted it. His lip quivered as he rebuked me: “Don’t say you don’t care because God cares!” You’re right, kid. Wrong choice of words. But still, get down.

Another lesson I learned about word choice was the use of the word “but.” In kid world, the word “but” invalidates anything said before it. Sure, you may not mean it to, but those who hear it (children or otherwise) tend to focus their attention on whatever comes after the “but,” and everything said before fades to the background, even if some really kind things came beforehand.

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