Advent always gets me thinking about longing, including the many layers of desire inside me. I want a lot of stuff—some material and some immaterial:
- a new jacket
- a new computer
- tickets to Disneyland
- a graduate degree
- getting out of credit card debt*
- uncluttered counters
- my neighbors to be more considerate in the laundry room
- my fellow humans to be treated with dignity
- introvert time
- to feel loved
- to actually be loved
- for my loved ones to feel and be loved
There are so many layers to desire.
I spent most of my life suppressing desire because I had inadvertently learned that it was selfish and ungrateful to want. But over the past 5-6 years, with the help of many therapists (mostly friends, but also one I’ve seen professionally), I’ve been on a mission to discover who I really am, including all the layers of unspoken desire locked inside.