Rarely does the wrong usage of the words “there”, “their”, and “they’re” pass my eye unnoticed. I learned the proper spellings of these homophones (among others) in middle school, and I prided myself on being able to use them correctly. I was genuinely confused that others couldn’t get them straight, and I found camaraderie with other Grammar Nazis who shared my passion for the proper spelling of such commonly used and confused words.
I hate credit card debt. Nothing good comes from it, and I have tons of regret whenever I dig myself into a hole. For every dollar of debt I’ve added to my credit card, and for every dollar of interest laid on top of that, I am throwing money down the drain, and I can think of many other things I’d rather put those dollars toward than the decisions I regret making in the past. Imagine what I could buy now (or save toward) if the $500 I have budgeted for my credit card payments could be used for something else! Like being able to visit my long-distance family and friends for the holidays, or to save toward a down payment on a house.
For context, please see Part 1: Accepting the Angst, Part 2: Examining the Angst, and Part 3: Healing the Angst
From the end of Part 3 (Healing the Angst): I thoroughly believe that my healing journey is meant to help others along in their own journeys, and that as I do, my own healing moves forward, too. So, whether you are a foster kid (former or current) or you love one, I invite you to read and reflect on the following letter (written to my 6-year old self and the 30-something old self that sometimes still needs assurance). I pray if it is relevant, that this letter may serve to help you in your next step forward.
Continue reading “Formerly Fostered: The Search for Healing, Part 4: Helping Others Heal”
For context, please see Part 1: Accepting the Angst and Part 2: Examining the Angst.
If you’re new to this whole process of emotional healing, I’m going to say something now that might frustrate you: it’s probably going to take a long time and be a lot of work. We can reach major milestones and still have setbacks, but that does not mean we’re not making progress, and I hope that you won’t let it discourage you from beginning and continuing to do the deep inner work of healing. I’ve been frustrated and discouraged, also, and sometimes even gave up hope for periods of time that I could ever reach wholeness. But for me, living with the angst without pressing on toward healing left me in a state worse than the hard work of healing. I knew that there was something better for me than staying in the muck of depression—it was discovering my truest identity and finding freedom and joy in that.
Continue reading “Formerly Fostered: The Search for Healing, Part 3: Healing the Angst”
To read in context, please see Part 1: Accepting the Angst
My thoughts and feelings as an adult about my childhood have fluctuated over the years, from nostalgia to gratitude to ambivalence to anger to shame to sadness to a conglomerate of all of the above and more. As difficult as they were to uncover, these are the feelings of an emerging adult who had the advantage of retrospect and the ability to articulate something so complex as overlapping emotions. What is more difficult to discover are the feelings of the pre-articulate child as he or she went through those painful moments. If you’ve never allowed those kinds of feelings to flood to the surface, I’d say to proceed with caution, and also with a trusted friend, family member, advisor, or therapist present. I’ve chosen each, at various times and in various situations. They offer a form of safety/comfort if you’re exploring emotions from a time when you didn’t feel safe as a kid.
Continue reading “Formerly Fostered: The Search for Healing, Part 2: Examining the Angst”
Some of my most-formative years of life were spent in foster care (following a handful of tumultuous years with my family of origin). These early years formed my biggest fears, my greatest strengths, and so many of my habits, both good and bad ones. But I didn’t always understand how much my childhood had impacted me, because I was taught that it was more important to focus on the present, to be grateful for the pleasant things in life, and to sweep anything unpleasant under the proverbial rug.
Continue reading “Formerly Fostered: The Search for Healing, Part 1: Accepting the Angst”
Every once in a while I reflect on where my life has been, where it is now, and where it is going. Retrospect can offer so much of what we need in life—joy, encouragement, lessons, rebukes. When Facebook throws memories at me from 1, 3, 5, or 8 years ago, sometimes I cringe, sometimes I laugh or smile fondly, sometimes I get a little nostalgic and sad. It’s good for us to remember those things and to reflect on what has changed, what stayed the same, whether we’re happy about it, and whether we can do anything if we’re not.
There’s a particular area of my life in which I am extremely unhappy. It reduces the quality of all the other areas of my life, too. Every day I ask God to save me from this thing, and every day that I am not saved from it I am faced with the question, “Is God going to save me from this thing, or am I supposed to save myself from it?” How much of this is in God’s hands, and how much of it is in mine?
When you live month to month and have retired your credit card, sometimes you have to decide between getting paper towels or getting toilet bowl cleaner; face moisturizer or a fresh, non-rusty razor blade refill. There’s not a whole lot of wiggle room for extraneous purchases, so you either go without some things for a while, or get creative with the things you already have.
Continue reading “Penny Pinching: Recycling the Old Calendar”
One of the few things I remember from my one semester as a Secondary Education major in college was a discussion about the reasons we force kids to go to school. After all, it wasn’t always so. A few hundred years ago, there was no law mandating children be in schools. At some point, however, it was deemed good, not only for the children themselves but for society at large, to educate its young citizens and to help them grow up into responsible, contributing members of society. Educating our kids is for their good and for the common good.
The idea of the common good comes from the village mentality of “we’re all in this together,” rather than the individualistic mentality of “every man or woman for themselves.” It’s the idea that your well-being is essential to my well-being, and visa versa. It’s the idea that the health and happiness of me and mine is not more important than the health and happiness of you and yours, and visa versa. It’s the idea that if I contribute to your ability to thrive, you will contribute to mine.
